9.01.2010

bus stop conversation

i have had lots of conversations at bus stops lately with men who are probably nice and mean well (maybe?) but make me feel uncomfortable regardless. here is the one from tonight.

--(man) is this the bus? have you been waiting long?
--(me) yeah i have, actually. it should be here soon.
--good, i need to get home.
--yeah.
--what were you listening to?
--oh...(embarrassed)...beyonce.
--oh yeah, she's my sexy singer.
--......yeah.
--that's like that single ladies song, right?
--yeah, that's right.
--do you know that song, she's like a wolf?
--no, i don't think so.
--it's by s. she's like a wolf.
--oh, she wolf? shakira.
--yeah, i love the way she dance! i like to see her body. i'm surprised my girlfriend lets me watch her videos. when i see her dance, i think of my girlfriend's body, dancing like her. i think of my girlfriend's body and her voice.
--......ha......yeah.
--my girlfriend and i are getting married next year. we've been together ten years. we're going to have an anniversary.
--congratulations, that's great.
--she got me this (pulls out an mp3 player). i love it. you ever seen one of these?
--yeah, that's a nice one.
--my girlfriend put it in the computer, and there the songs are. i was impressed. she put 44 songs on it. all kinds of music.
--that's very cool.
--you need to get smaller headphones like these (points to ear buds, then my giant headphones)
--oh, i don't really like ear buds.
--see how it looks? (shows me mp3 player screen, with song titles) you know the song all shook up?
--yeah.
--you know the song always?
--no, i don't think so.
--here, listen to it. (inches closer and gives me his earbuds)
--no, that's ok.
--oh i meant, you can plug your own headphones in it and listen to it. i don't bite.
--oh......do you really want me to?
--yeah, i want you to know what song it is.
--ok. (plug in my headphones. recognize it immediately as a song from the '80s. take headphones off.) oh yeah, i know that song. it's from the '80's.
--you know that song?
--yeah.
--what do you think of when you hear that song?
--umm...the '80s, i guess.
--do you think of romance? because i have to find a good romantic song for my girlfriend's anniversary, so we can dance across the floor in a smooth way.
--yeah, that would be a good one. (inches closer and i back up into the bus stop sign)
--what's your name?
--kathryn. (we shake hands).
--i'm robert. you're so nice and young and beautiful.
--......thanks.
--halloween's coming up!
--yeah.
--it's going to be scary! you know that exorcist movie coming out? that's scary. you know freddy?
--yeah, i don't like horror movies. i never watch them.
--no freddy?
--no.
--jason?
--no.
--christine?
--no, i've never heard of that.
--you never heard of christine? it's about a car that drives around with no one in  it. and it kills people.
--haha, no i don't know that one.
--well then, you'll like this one. the car.
--is that a movie?
--yeah, it's called the car.
--is it about a car that kills people?
--yeah. monday is labor day. are you going to be free?
--oh, i'm going to indiana to visit my family.
--all the way to indiana? michael jackson is from there, you know.
--yeah.

THE BUS COMES, THE END.

11 comments:

John G said...

He wanted to take you home to his girlfriend. How sweet. You are like a lil lost puppy.

Lauren said...

For a second this made me miss public transportation, but then I realized I like it better via you.

margosita said...

Ugh, men don't really get it. But I'm impressed at how well you remembered all the crazy things he said!

Stacey Tran said...

did you record this from your jacket pocket as it was happening, like macaulay did in home alone 2: lost in new york

DJ Berndt said...

haha, that was hilarious, Kathryn. I'm glad the bus came in time to save you.

Kathryn said...

@john--sicko

@lauren--i'm glad! this conversation made me nervous while it was happening, but writing it down afterwards made up for it. i while it's happening, what makes it scary is that you don't know what kind of weird thing they might do out of nowhere. right? dudes at bus stops do some weird things.

@margosita--thanks! i wrote it down as soon as i got home. and i cut out some of the more mundane things, like when he told me he was looking for a job for his girlfriend, and that she lost 25 jobs this year...

@stacey--i wish. also, i am impressed that you remember such fine details about home alone 2.

@dj--thanks!

Christopher said...

Ha. That conversation seems as random on paper as it probably did in person. I like how he made you listen to the song.

You're going to be in Indy this weekend?

Kathryn said...

chris--i was...feels like i'm coming down with something now though, so i probably won't travel. booo.

next time i'm in town though, i'll holler in your direction.

matthew savoca said...

i really enjoyed reading this conversation

ted said...

are people just lonely?

Arash said...

Heh, that was funny. I'm a guy myself but I don't understand some guys. Don't they know how they're coming across?

I am an amateur Canadian poet by the way, and found your blog through google. If you like to read some of my awful poetry, I am here:
http://canadianpoetry.blogspot.com/

I look forward to collaborating, exchanging links, contributing, posting the poetry of visitors, reading comments/criticisms, etc. Please visit me.

Arash