5.08.2011

EVERYONE IS A WIZARD EXCEPT YOU

by now it makes sense to assume
that you've been stood up again
at shooters on a wednesday night
the BEER sign lighting your tragedies

it makes sense to assume that no one else
has ever been stood up at shooters on a wednesday
and also that every one else is at home
acting out loving wizard role play in their bedrooms

and you are the loneliest. there is evidence.
look at all the wizard couples in olive garden, for example
it makes sense to assume that everything you've imagined
is an empty balloon

with no note tied to it, no messages from another world
and no phone ringing when you get home
and you are out of cigarettes and the couple next door
is casting love spells on each other and playing with the cat

you are gently spinning on one thread
taped to the moon and holding you just above the ground
by now it makes sense to assume that no one will notice your graceful arc
and that the moon is shining but no one is looking

4.28.2011

maybe something will happen like
a ceiling fan
will fall from the ceiling!
and you'll turn to the guy next to you
and say something like
whoa
and he'll say yeah, i know.
and you'll feel like a cat that has run into a fire hydrant
on accident

something else could happen too like
there could be a fire in your building!
and while you're huddled with your neighbors outside
watching your building burn to the ground
you could turn to your neighbor and say
wow that was a close one
and he'll take off his sunglasses
and look you in the eyes
for the first time ever

but the worse thing that could happen is
you could be stuck behind a couple making out
on an airplane.
and you'll feel like a load of laundry
that gets washed but still smells weird
and you'll feel like the moon shining bright
but no one is looking
and you'll feel like an incredibly beautiful woman
at the bottom of the ocean

3.28.2011

my favorite thing that i saw on the internet today




i think my friend darah might be my favorite photographer. this is her daughter guthrie, who is my favorite guthrie.

1.26.2011

name this artist



this is a hilarious installation i saw at the MCA yesterday. does anyone know who the artist is? i ran out of the gallery because i couldn't stop laughing and felt dumb.

also, she was saying "i know what you're thinking, i know what you're thinking," in a menacing tone. it is so funny. for some reason though, the other people in the gallery weren't laughing at this awesome joke.

and in other news, the "new chicago comics" exhibit was really good. i'm excited for anders nilsen's full compilation of "Big Questions"--coming out from Drawn and Quarterly this spring.

1.18.2011

poetic review of 'keeping up with the kardashians' season 5

This show is so good. its keeps me entertained and always up to date with the stuff they were and do. if i were to have a life like that i were to do everything they were doing i loved it and if any upcoming episodes or seasons i will watch and rate and in this season i can honestly say that this is one of the best shows i have ever seen in my whole life and and i am just saying that i think you guys will love it to it is very cool styelish and optamistic all of you guys should watch it

12 out of 16 netflix members found this review helpful.

1.12.2011

potential light catastrophe

uhhh accidentally left my lightbox on for an hour and a half. what do you think will happen to me?

a. glowing orb of light for a head
b. give birth to the sun's baby
c. nothing, because lightboxes don't do anything

1.10.2011

"hey mom...guess who's going to JAIL"

feeling hateful / tired / all i want to do is watch keeping up with the kardashians on netflix instant play. i'm on season 3 now. i just saw the episode where khloe goes to jail but then doesn't go to jail.

12.13.2010

snowy

here's some snow from today. i was doing dishes in the background. i don't know what that song is. i was listening to the internet.

11.17.2010

sexiest ghost alive

i just watched an hour long special about people magazine's sexiest man alive because i'm tired and none of the other channels are getting reception. it was so boring. guess what wouldn't be boring? a show about sexiest ghosts or sexiest trees or sexiest walls. they could interview someone with objectum sexuality, like the woman that fell in love with the berlin wall, and then ask her to rate her top 25 sexiest walls, and then show pictures and have her explain what she likes about each wall. then i would be fascinated and entertained instead of bored.

ladies, am i right?

9.01.2010

bus stop conversation

i have had lots of conversations at bus stops lately with men who are probably nice and mean well (maybe?) but make me feel uncomfortable regardless. here is the one from tonight.

--(man) is this the bus? have you been waiting long?
--(me) yeah i have, actually. it should be here soon.
--good, i need to get home.
--yeah.
--what were you listening to?
--oh...(embarrassed)...beyonce.
--oh yeah, she's my sexy singer.
--......yeah.
--that's like that single ladies song, right?
--yeah, that's right.
--do you know that song, she's like a wolf?
--no, i don't think so.
--it's by s. she's like a wolf.
--oh, she wolf? shakira.
--yeah, i love the way she dance! i like to see her body. i'm surprised my girlfriend lets me watch her videos. when i see her dance, i think of my girlfriend's body, dancing like her. i think of my girlfriend's body and her voice.
--......ha......yeah.
--my girlfriend and i are getting married next year. we've been together ten years. we're going to have an anniversary.
--congratulations, that's great.
--she got me this (pulls out an mp3 player). i love it. you ever seen one of these?
--yeah, that's a nice one.
--my girlfriend put it in the computer, and there the songs are. i was impressed. she put 44 songs on it. all kinds of music.
--that's very cool.
--you need to get smaller headphones like these (points to ear buds, then my giant headphones)
--oh, i don't really like ear buds.
--see how it looks? (shows me mp3 player screen, with song titles) you know the song all shook up?
--yeah.
--you know the song always?
--no, i don't think so.
--here, listen to it. (inches closer and gives me his earbuds)
--no, that's ok.
--oh i meant, you can plug your own headphones in it and listen to it. i don't bite.
--oh......do you really want me to?
--yeah, i want you to know what song it is.
--ok. (plug in my headphones. recognize it immediately as a song from the '80s. take headphones off.) oh yeah, i know that song. it's from the '80's.
--you know that song?
--yeah.
--what do you think of when you hear that song?
--umm...the '80s, i guess.
--do you think of romance? because i have to find a good romantic song for my girlfriend's anniversary, so we can dance across the floor in a smooth way.
--yeah, that would be a good one. (inches closer and i back up into the bus stop sign)
--what's your name?
--kathryn. (we shake hands).
--i'm robert. you're so nice and young and beautiful.
--......thanks.
--halloween's coming up!
--yeah.
--it's going to be scary! you know that exorcist movie coming out? that's scary. you know freddy?
--yeah, i don't like horror movies. i never watch them.
--no freddy?
--no.
--jason?
--no.
--christine?
--no, i've never heard of that.
--you never heard of christine? it's about a car that drives around with no one in  it. and it kills people.
--haha, no i don't know that one.
--well then, you'll like this one. the car.
--is that a movie?
--yeah, it's called the car.
--is it about a car that kills people?
--yeah. monday is labor day. are you going to be free?
--oh, i'm going to indiana to visit my family.
--all the way to indiana? michael jackson is from there, you know.
--yeah.

THE BUS COMES, THE END.

7.23.2010

haiku with harpy by bianca stone

isreads7 contributor bianca stone posted this haiku and drawing on her blog a few weeks ago. this was actually my favorite haiku that she submitted. i'm glad she made a harpy!

A car alarm at dawn.
O dark head
surrounded by yellow birds.

6.29.2010

another beautiful sentence

i'm in san francisco! it is so great. i can't post pictures because i forgot my camera cord thing, so here is a picture of a beautiful sentence.

5.17.2010

i have been reading emily dickinson's master letters, here are some of my favorite parts

God made me—(sir)—↑ Master ↓ I didn’t
be—myself—(He) I don’t know how
it was done—He built the
heart in me—By and by
it outgrew me—
----

I cannot (talk) ↑ stay ↓ any (more) ↑ longer ↓
tonight ↑ (now) ↓ for this pain
----

I’ve got a cough as
big as a thimble—but
I don’t care for that—
I’ve got a Tomahawk
in my side but that
don’t hurt me much,
(If you) Her Master—
stabs her more—

---
never minding (whatever)
so long wandering , ↑ if (out) ↓
to him at last—
Oh how the sailor strains,
when his boat is
filling—Oh how the
dying tug, till the angel
comes

3.01.2010

email auto-fill mishap

just realized i accidentally sent an email that said "mmm...bacon jam" to the wrong person.

11.17.2009

the secret

when should i tell him that i’m only slightly human?
i tried sending him a photograph but he mistook me for a shed.

i walk around, feeling human.

maybe more miserable than most--cars are always trying to hit me.
is there a human under that pile? certainly not!

but look, i have arms. i am like a human that has arms.
i am like a human that has arms but with a face torn off by a dog

and buried under a pile of dirty laundry and litter.
but look, my heart beats outside my chest, it beats like a heart.

i have tried taking out my eyes to examine them and failed.
i have been a quiet ball of hair and teeth since before birth, i was born.

has there been a human born with no bones, or with a shovel for a face?
i am this human.

like a human i have memory and blankness.

when there is enough light in my eye i sleep and in my sleep
i am only slightly human and i give up.

11.16.2009

postcards from new life

bestie megan martin has writings and speakings up at word riot. look at it, she's cool.
here's my favorite postcard:

After Many Seasons at the Asylum, She Climbed Into the Arms of The Universe

This is the last you will hear of my adventures in this new world, dear. As I write I am climbing into the blossomy tree in the courtyard, against the Good Doctor’s instructions. The Good Doctor is calling:come down this instant but I am climbing higher, leaping branch to branch, breaking more teeth than I have. I dangle! I perch! I feed myself bloated on the plumpest leaves, blackest berries, most delicate petals, paperskin stained with fruitblood. I scrape back bark from limb, branch, twig, with barehanded grace. Sunbleached words dry and curl, flake underpen like snow as seasons change around me (did I mention it is the tallest tree known to woman?), but I shall continue until I’ve whittled myself back to earth. Once my nails have unbloodied and resurrected themselves, once these sentences have turned to soil, I will finally understand: I am here.